love makes seman taste better
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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