I hate all girls vehemently.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
