Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
