he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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