saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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