Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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