he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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