I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
