Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
