also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
