The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
