Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
