just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
