I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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