he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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