what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
