I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
