I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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