Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize