He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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