What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
