did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
