my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
