i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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