i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
