That's intense
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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