i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
