I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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