Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
