thus making me awesome and them whores
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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