So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
