You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
