i don't like sucking hair
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
