Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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