I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize