You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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