Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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