We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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