yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
