ya dads aren't the best wingmen
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
