It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
