with your own penis?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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