Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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