Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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