I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
