did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
