Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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