My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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