i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
