she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
