My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
