There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
