Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
