I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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