Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
