Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
