Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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