can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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