I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
