So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There r osticjed everywhere
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
