:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
