I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize