garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think my mom watched the whole time
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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