I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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