When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
