I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
